How Much Can a Sentence Say?


It’s time for another Editorial. This time around I’m going with a less traditional style. Twenty-one topics, twenty-one sentence editorials. Here goes. One Sentence Editorials.

Politics:

1) Republicans- You don’t know what’s best for anyone else, so fuck off.
2) Democrats- You don’t know what’s best for anyone else, so fuck off.
3) Libertarians- Stop letting crazies from the Republican Party claim to represent you, and fuck off.
4) Greens- You’re the only ones who can’t see that you’re fucking crazy, so fuck off.
5) Communists- Your faith in the human species is misplaced and you should fuck off.
6) Obamacare- If it were so great, it wouldn’t be compulsory, so fuck off.
7) Illegal Immigrants- Nationalism is stupid anyway, so welcome to the fucking party.

Religion:

1) Christians- Learn the history and tenets of your religion before you shove it down people’s throats and use it as an excuse to hate and oppress.
2) Muslims- Learn the history and tenets of your religion before you shove it down people’s throats and use it as an excuse to hate and oppress.
3) Buddhists- You’re awesome.
4) Sikhs- You’re awesome, and I love your turbans.
5) Unitarian Universalists- If I didn’t hate dogmatism, I’d join you.
6) Satanists- I’m sorry that you are misunderstood as a religion, but you damn well know you bring it on yourselves, so grow the fuck up.
7) Jews- I don’t think you control the world, but if you did I’d finally have an excuse to learn Yiddish.

Ideology:

1) Radical Feminism- Shut up about the patriarchy; from what I can tell women do more to keep other women down than men do.
2) Men’s Rights Advocates- Anything you could legitimately want is covered by genuine feminism, rendering you useless and petty.
3) Atheist Activists- Most of you need to have a Snickers and chill the fuck out because you’re just as dogmatic and oppressive as the people you’re fighting against.
4) Agnostics- Agnosticism is not a statement on belief in god(s), it’s a philosophical position that we cannot know anything absolutely, making you an agnostic atheist (I don’t know if there is a god, but I don’t believe) as opposed to a gnostic atheist (I know there is no god).
5) Environmentalists- Shut up and learn the real science, not just the sexy and dramatic stuff.
6) Vegans- You’re able to choose not to consume animal products because your ancestors started consuming them; show some fucking respect.
7) PETA- Most people don’t know that PETA’s president, Ingrid Newkirk, believes that spending PETA’s money to defend domestic terrorists is a good idea and considers pets to be prisoners; she thinks firebombing research facilities is just, and feeding, housing, and taking care of the medical needs of an animal is cruelty, the latter of which makes her sound a lot like Ayn Rand when you think about it.

And that’s that. Twenty-one one sentence editorials. Pick your favorite or rant about the one you liked least. Expand on mine or say something about some of your own. I hope you all enjoyed this, even though I probably told you to fuck off.

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9 comments on “How Much Can a Sentence Say?

  1. No problems here. All looks sound to me!
    As far as I’m concerned everyone has the right to believe and live how they wish, just as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else. Which means I have little respect for others that try and ‘push’ their own ideals/morality/dogma on me, to them I say – fuck off!

  2. Fucking Gold !!!!! It’s actually quit scary to me just how alike we are …

    • Maybe we are the same person. Quick, you do math and I’ll do math and we’ll compare answers.

      • Yep! It says here we are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, one in the same … oh’oh!!!

  3. You could condense this:

    1. Fanatics- fuck off.

    • Exactly!

  4. Pingback: Who needs a thousand words when you can get the job done with 527 | The Fanfic Assassin

  5. So you only like Buddhists and Sikhs.
    Good to know.
    (Edmond needs to get laid)
    If I could add a 22 it would be WordPress, Fuck Off.

    • I don’t have a problem with anyone who is rationally religious. If you call an ambulance before you start praying you’re probably okay.

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