*Disclaimer* The Fanfic Assassin is a satirical character, and any similarity between him, or any of the characters he interacts with, and persons, either real or imagined, is intentionally coincidental.
The embodiment of the idea of the perfect man, Edmond Carmichael has no choice but to become the man people hope for, dream of, and most importantly, write about, but his mask protects him from the influence, a cosmic loophole that allows him to fight back without becoming the slobbering, possessive lap dog that so many yearn for.
His problems aren’t new, though they’re far more serious than they used to be. Sprung into existence 50,000 years ago out of the very first symbolic human thought—a woman dissatisfied with her husband’s pathetic hunting abilities imagined a better mate for herself—he’s struggled to keep his own identity ever since.
Finding himself at many of history’s most memorable events—the invention of the wheel, the sacking of Troy, the Third Crusade, The French and American Revolutions, and the premiere of the movie “Biodome,” Edmond has seen it all. In the case of Biodome, he wishes he could unsee it.
When an ex-lover wrote a series of books about him, and the popularity of those books inspired others to write an endless stream of fanfiction, Edmond was left with no choice but to fight back. In extreme cases, he must go to the source and destroy the author’s computer to slow them down, but more often than not, it’s enough just to review their work.
Snarky, sarcastic, poignant, acerbic, and other fluffy words that make him sound good, Edmond toils through a work line by line, adding his special brand of humor to a genre that often takes itself way too seriously.
But don’t just take my word for it; after all, I’m biased. Have a look at these glowing recommendations people are leaving in the comments.
What a way to waste time… I honestly find your entire blog amusing, but only because it makes me realize what a loser you are. A grown man (?) who has nothing better to do than to mock other people’s hobbies because he enjoys putting down others to make himself feel better…
This is the most ridiculous, pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. I like snark and sarcasm as much as the next person, but usually they know how to deliver it. This will be my first and last visit.
-A Real Person
Pathetic. Truly you are. Get a life, or a job instead of sitting there for hours trying to put someone down. Douchebag.
Wow, the amount of time and research you spent on dissecting a piece of fanfiction is mind-boggling. You must have quite a bit of time on your hands to have squandered this much of it on a Bella and Edward story. It’s rather sad that you apparently have no life, no wife (or girlfriend, or perhaps boyfriend?), no kids, no worthwhile hobbies, or maybe not even a job to keep you occupied. Because if you did have any of these, you wouldn’t have the time to make such a sacrifice for the “benefit” of the literary world. You really should log off the internet and go hug someone in your life who cares for you. Perhaps they’ll hug you back….
While I understand your need to “expose” yourself to the masses via Twilight fanfiction, it would behoove you to at least get some of your insults and critiques correct. What you have in fact done is give nothing but an amateur opinion and I’m sure you know what we all say about those with opinions, right? Your end result was not as expected, I’m sure; hoping for a loyal following of other closeted basement haters but in reality, you’ve simply garnered many, many laughs…at you.
Ur an ass. Be a man of conviction take off ur mask and talk ish!!! Rite. Didn’t think so. Your nothing but a bully.
…The way you choose to convey your critisisms are lowly and the sign of a bully. Before you go on and criticize others use you’re eloquent English major to write your own fanfiction literary masterpiece and give us all a chance to tear you down.
…STOP BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!
…Find a new hobby. Like removing yourself from that high horse you’re currently perched upon…