Chapter 2

2008 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsAlmost Easy

I was miffed after I caught the bullet with my face. How dare he? I am a space wizard. I’m allowed to be divergent, whatever that means.

So imagine this, as if you had a choice. I grabbed Edward by the tip of his nose and yanked his skin off, then I jabbed his exposed sinew with a fire poker until he was dead. It was fun to watch him squirm. Can you see him squirming? Of course you can.

I examined the hide suit Edward gave me for my birthday—albeit unwillingly—and realized I’d need to add some height in order to fit into it. My hunt for four pairs of socks proved successful, and I quickly put them on. It gave me more bulk then height, but I was not discouraged. I then put on a pair of sneakers—the ones with wheels—then stuffed my feet into a pair of Dutch clogs. Lastly, I shoved my howling puppies into platform boots. Hush, puppies! I thought. Then I stepped into Edward’s skin and stapled it shut. By the way, I don’t recommend this method. If you ever find yourself in the commonplace situation of needing to seal a skin suit around yourself, I’d suggest sewing a zipper on it. Trust my 20/20 hindsight. My new outfit in place, I went about getting an erection. It worked, because I know how to touch a woman wearing a man’s skin.

I went over to the window and waved to the observers. They waved back politely.

There was a thin man with a long white beard, his nametag read Jasper, and he was a hillbilly.

The girl next to him chuckled chucklingly. She had a pixie haircut and wore a nametag that read “Not Alice”. I had no idea who she was, but I knew for sure who she wasn’t.

When all that was over, and I felt happy in my new flesh suit, I laughed heartily, stuffing my new penis into a pair of oversized women’s Capri pants. I may be a man now, but that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my fashion sense.

I arrived at the bathhouse a little after seven pm eastern, which is significant because I was on the west coast. I learned quickly that there was little to do for a woman in a man’s body at an LA bathhouse, but I’m sure I’d manage. Haha, get it? Manage? As in manage to stick my new-found dick in something.


9 comments on “Chapter 2

  1. It’s a Christian parable, right?

    • Just absurd surrealism.

  2. “…then I jabbed his exposed sinew with a fire poker until he was dead.” Have you been watching me again? You’ve been watching me again, haven’t you. STOP WATCHING ME!!! *or at least sign in and leave a tip…

    • I did leave a top. I’m dirtysanchez420.

      • stupid phone… *tip

  3. When I was probed, I wasn’t taken directly to the bath houses, so I’m not sure I believe that you know what you’re talking about.

    • You’d be correct.

  4. How did you know about my weakness for meatsuits?

    • Don’t we all have a weakness for them? I told you they’d have a HEA, so to speak.

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