Hell Hath No Fury (Trolls, Flames, and Guest Reviews)


Chapter: 44. Date Night Part Deux
From: Guest
WTF we are 44 chapters in and Edward is still just a disgusting fucking whore who shouldn’t even be has nothing to do with Edward and Bella just Edward and any trashy cunt that will fuck him. You are such a stupid fucking bitch what a whore you must be you dumb cunt. You need someone to beat your ass for wasting people’s time with this shit and for being trashy enough to write it. I can’t believe good stories on this site get pulled, but shit like this gets to stay stories that aren’t even about the people they say they are. I guess it is all in who you know and fuck right you trashy whore

That’s right. I finally got what I needed to do an editorial about guest reviewers, trolls, and flames. Fasten your seatbelts! It’s going to be the kind of ride where you seem to recall that it was bumpy and your back is kind of hurting which could be evidence of a rough ride but you were so blitzed that you don’t even remember how you managed to get two states over without your wallet or one of your kidneys, and you have much bigger problems than figuring out the turbulence of a recent car ride.

Guest chapter 10
Fucking nasty whore both of them what a cunt faced diseased skank. Just like you I hope you are raped and beaten for the shit you write you nasty piece of trash! You deserve it people that write about whores and cheating deserve to be treated as such.

First I want to talk about guest reviewers. For those unfamiliar with the practice, Fanfiction.net allows users to leave reviews on stories without logging in, and they’re almost universally useless reviews. I don’t see the point of it. Why would you need to leave an anonymous review on something anyway?

I can think of only a few reasons why you would want to. One, you’re too lazy to log in, which means you’re probably too slovenly to write a poignant review as well. What good is it to allow you to drop your “great chapter!” bullshit on someone when you should be telling them why it was great? In the end, it’s a rather benign practice that doesn’t deserve much more attention than a passing remark, one I’ve already given, so let’s move on.

You’ll find that the other reasons are fairly malignant. Either you’re going to say something really nasty and you don’t want people to know who you are, or you’re going to purposefully try to rile people up, also known as trolling. Either way, I don’t see why you need a special way to spread your brand of annoyance around because, let’s face it, if you were a good and entertaining troll, you’d be flaunting who you were, and if you were someone who had a good reason to be critical of the story, you wouldn’t be so cowardly that you’d need to hide.

From: Guest
I think he deserves to be beat and raped and killed. He is a cheater, and that makes him a no good piece of trash that doesn’t deserve to be alive. the world would definitely be better off without him or his bastard child that will probably turn out to be a fucking scumbag also. He needs burned. Bella didn’t cheat on his no good cheated and then left her. Fathering an asshole child in the process. Anything she did after that doesn’t concern him. You deserve to be beat and killed also for writing shit like this obviously you are a cheating whore because people write what they know. Fucking scum like you deserves to rot in hell you trashy skank.

Let’s start with trolls. They’re everywhere, and in some circles, I’m one of them. It’s their job, nay, their sacred duty to rile and confuse the masses. The best trolls are usually well camouflaged behind layers of rhetoric and often feigned ignorance. The people I troll don’t have any idea that they’re being screwed with until I want them to know, and even then, most of them refuse to believe it for the sake of their own pride.

I know it sounds pretentious, but trolling is art and science in equal measures. Your average dumb ass doesn’t make a good troll, they’re just annoying. The best trolls often know more about the subject than the person they’re messing with, but they don’t take it all so seriously that they can’t have a little fun with it. Trolling is about predicting, adapting, and sidestepping the minefield that is a conversation with someone who may know as much or more on the subject at hand than you do. Subtlety is the key, and mockery and ridicule aren’t part of the game. It’s about having fun watching your jokes fly right over their head. All the greatest trolls I’ve ever seen are highly intelligent, but prefer to spend their time on frivolous games rather than trying to change the world through serious debate.

Sure, they probably need to grow up a little, but to be completely honest, trolls are harmless. The worst they should ever do is screw with you until you’ve made yourself angry and they’re laughing at how well they’ve herded you into the desired state of apoplexy.

Guest chapter 8
14? What the hell is wrong with his parents? What were they doing because they sure weren’t raising him. He shouldn’t leave his kid with them she’ll be a knocked up whore in no time like her mother and fucked up manwhore father. Shit he probably has 20 kids by now he knows nothing about. Holy hell her mother is a fucking whore man this kid has no chance in life they should have got rid of her as soon as they found out about her. Let me guess you are a fucked up whore who gave birth at 14 also right? Are your parents still alive? They should have been shot for giving birth to such filth and not keeping you in check. Some people just should not be allowed to live. This is basically falling into child porn 14 yeah I’m definitely reporting this to FF it needs pulled right away.

And that brings us to flames. To say that I’ve been on the side of every person I’ve heard complain about flamers would be a lie. A lot of times, they aren’t flames. They’re honest reviews from someone who found your story appallingly bad, and I’d probably agree with them. I’m sure my words will mostly fall on deaf ears, but a flame isn’t only about criticism, it’s about personal attacks. In all these examples I’ve included, I’ve made sure to indicate the parts that make them a flame. The flaming begins when it becomes about the author and not the story. The writing, the story, the characters, the setting and plot, they’re all free game in an honest review, but the author should never be the target of the ridicule or debasement, for the most part. A snarky remark about the writing talent could be acceptable if handled carefully, but anything more is simply cruel.

I’ve admitted it before—I’ve made mistakes and gone a little overboard in my reviews. I’ve let it become about the author, especially in Virginal Bella. But, seriously, who could blame me? That story is a wreck. Sometimes, we step over the line, and frankly, the line is pretty subjective, so “crossed the line” isn’t much of a barometer for right and wrong.

Guest chapter 9 . Mar 16
Edward is a disgusting whore he would fuck Rose the trashy whore in a second and forget all about Bella until the next day when he got back with her again. Sorry but he needs to stay away from the whore convention, The fact that he is going again speaks volumes about what kind of nasty trash he is. I hope he gets aids and fucking dies. Why does he have to be such a nasty piece of shit in every story? Can’t any writers come up with anything unique and different or are most of you the same damn whore writing under different names? You write what you know so…

So, you may wonder why these reviews are so nasty, and what prompted the person to leave such hateful words. It’s pretty simple. Export Bella, insert self. They’re the ones getting cheated on. They’re the ones hurting. This person, who is probably female, wanted to read about a perfect robotic Edward that moves through his day completely obsessed with her. They want flawless devotion, piety, and obedience. In short, she’s scorned, and you and your story are going to pay for it.

Maybe you’ve noticed, but I don’t allow guest reviews on my blog. Why? Because there’s only one faceless asshole harassing people on my blog, and that’s me. I fucking revile censorship, but the cowardly dick that just wants to go around as a nameless entity and make a bunch of trouble without me being able to do anything about it can fuck off; my rules about censorship don’t apply to you.

In the end, I don’t see the need for guest reviews. They’re the refuge of idiots and cowards, people who have so little of value to say that they only care that it’s read once before it’s deleted. If you can’t even be bothered to make a sock account, why should we care what you have to say? Fuck you, guest reviewer, your comments deserve to be deleted, and you suck. You’re a giant doodie head and you’re ugly. Fuckers.

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18 comments on “Hell Hath No Fury (Trolls, Flames, and Guest Reviews)

  1. Bwahahaha. I LOVE reviews like those. They’re hilarious. I’ve been on the receiving end, and I always laugh. It’s both astonishing and sad, because MY words caused such a ridiculous outburst, they hit deeply enough for them to go on a tangent – no matter if it’s negative or positive – and it’s sad because, I see these people as cowards.

    By all means, log-in so we can build a rapport 🙂

    “Cunt” happens to be my favorite word, gimme the opportunity to throw it back at’cha….you know? LMAO.

    I see authors get crazy riled up when they get one of these. They’re offended, pissed, and sad…and some may cry, which I don’t understand. If they’re not signing in using a name, then they don’t exist. They’re irrelevant.

    Granted, words do hurt, so I suggest to all authors….when you go to that section to peruse anon reviews, place a piece of paper over the words, and BLINDLY delete them.

    If you can’t read the insults, they can’t hurt you.

    This reminds me. I haven’t policed my anon reviews in months. Oh well.

    All that being said, people are mad fucking rude in some of their rants. Hilarious but rude, and nothing’s funnier than that which you cannot decipher due to text-speak and/or horrible grammar…and those are the trolls telling authors HOW to write their stories.

  2. Oddly (and very thankfully), the vast majority of guest reviews left on my fics have been, well, pretty damn great, actually, but I’ve seen some that were nothing more than an excuse for a barely-literate asshole to spew hate and vitriol for no reason found within the realms of sanity. I don’t exactly understand why my “good guest reviewers” don’t/didn’t sign in, but the hate-spewing freaks? Yeah, I can definitely see why they didn’t.

    I’m all for critiquing someone’s story with maturity, kindness, and tact, but to wish such angst, harm, and tragedy on a writer just because they don’t like the story (and perhaps aren’t competent enough to write their own desired tale…) is just plain damn wack. I wouldn’t blame any writer for leaving fanfiction.net over the inability to block guest reviews.

    (And using the AdBlock Add-on to the Firefox browser blocks ALL the ads on FF…)

  3. Amen! I don’t write and I don’t pretend to know everything. But I know enough from other authors to know of some pretty bad guest reviews. As a reader only (so far) I find it disgusting that these reviewers have no goal in life but to treat others like that disrespectfully. I agree with booknits and Livie Liv 🙂

  4. Interesting. Internet has allowed anyone to become anonymous, so if you want to go online and pretend your are someone you aren’t in RL, all you need is an alias in most cases. My theory is that once you’re granted that anonymity carte blanche, the opposite happens: you freely reveal your true self even if you change your name. I suppose this applies to guest reviewers, trolls, and whoever. I’m not sure why the author of the work you quoted reviews on would allow these nasty comments to be posted. I believe FF net has the option to moderate/delete guest reviews? Correct me if I’m wrong. So, the question becomes why the author has not removed them. I like your editorial; I’d like to read more, though: about author mentality in this situation. Is it better to keep a negative review, complain, gain support (any publicity is good publicity even if someone calls you a trashy whore), increase the number of total reviews because that’s what it boils down to those authors who write for the reviews and not for the story; or should they just delete the comment and not blow it al into reader’s face? Also, since you have obviously researched the comments on this story, what was the reaction of other readers? Did they engage? Was it “don’t like it, don’t read it” type of support?

    • I’ll get you a link to where I got them when I get back home. It’ll answer most of your questions.

      • Ah, can’t wait to read through that pile of…

        • To clarify, I believe the posts were saved, in whatever capacity, so that they could be sent to FF.net as an example of the type of thing that the allowance of guest reviews promotes.

          I agree with you completely, people who think they’re totally anonymous behave more like the person they really are on the inside. It lets them shut off that internal filter that helps them fit into society without causing waves and they just go to town. Without the risk of punishment or promise of reward they don’t have a reason to behave.

  5. Great review! 😉 Well said. I hope, probably in vain, that fanfiction.net will wake up and eliminate guest reviews. I’m not holding my breath, though.

    • Not going to happen. They want to keep/increase the traffic for the advertising. Letting anyone participate in reviewing achieves that.

    • here here…

  6. I see a whole bunch of winning in this post. Lots and lots of winning. I love it!

    • Thank you, thank you. *bow* Thank you. *bow* you’re too kind. Roses for me? You shouldnt have.

  7. Brilliant. Love it.
    Other words that make the head on top of your shoulders swell.

    • Slow down! I’m going to start looking like a bobble head if you aren’t careful.

  8. Hmm. We were just talking about guest reviewers and the fact a lot of people are considering leaving FF because of the nasty stuff left behind. So here’s a beer for you, and thanks for the smiles!

    • Beer and flattery will get you almost everywhere with me. I say almost because there’s an exit only sign tattooed on my ass and rules is rules.

      • I thought you were a rule breaker?

  9. Pingback: Hell Hath No Fury (Trolls, Flames, and Guest Reviews) | The Fanfic Assassin

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