The Gothic Clothes and the Insipid Girl

This time I’m reviewing chapter 1 of the High School Musical fanfiction “The Gothic Guy and the Pretty Girl” Wildcats 2016 If the title alone doesn’t have your bad fanfic radar going crazy, you may need to see a doctor. But let’s not waste time with unnecessary sarcasm. Let’s get right into this thing.

Troy had been dressing in goth clothing for a while now.

I swear to *insert deity here* that I did not see this coming.

The friends could not understand why Troy went gothic in the first place.

Isn’t that the Goth kid staple? “No one can understand me. I’m so complex and deep.” As if they don’t realize that philosophically no one can actually understand anyone else. For example: man anthropomorphizes animals in an attempt to understand them; it serves no real purpose because without being that animal you can never perceive its behaviors as anything but human. We do the same to each other without even realizing it.

By the way, since I’m on the topic of useless things, let’s add philosophy to that list. I give you the above paragraph as evidence.

Troy would wear all black clothes to school every day.

I’m pretty sure the requirements of gothic garb are a little more than simply wearing all black clothes. I wore all black back when I decided it was time to go to high school, and all that meant was that I was a dour and depressing pain in the ass that wore too much make up and listened to shitty musi—This author just rocked my world.

The friends did not want to hang around Troy while he was dressing in goth clothing.

I can see that. Who wants to be around a cynical pessimist that’s overly critical and has nothing nice to say? Except you guys, of course.

The friends also had stop talking to Troy could not believe his friends did not want to be around him because he was dressing in goth also could not believe they stop talking to him too.

First, that “sentence” is an atrocity. Second, it’s hard to talk to someone you refuse to be around. Third, seriously, we know he’s dressing like a goth, you don’t need to bring it up in every sentence. It’s like the author thinks that putting on a costume makes you someone else, and while that may be true for me, it’s silly when other people think so.

Troy realized that he did not need his friends and was happy that he was no longer playing basketball.

Finally, no mention of…

Troy knew his dad was not happy that he had quit playing basketball and that he was now dressing in goth clothing.

…Oh, son of a bitch!

Mean while Gabriella had arrived at school on time.

Well, she made it on time. That’s…something. I don’t really know how to feel about that. On one hand she may have walked to school uneventfully, which is quite mundane. On the other, she may have survived a thunderstorm that rained down 18 inch pink dildos in a three foot diameter around her, which, as any person who’s been smacked in the head by a big rubber cock will tell you, is a damn miracle.

She went to the front office to get her list of classes she had.

Which is notable because she asked for someone else’s list of classes, and the office lady totally snubbed her by giving her the one she was supposed to get, that bitch.

Gabriella then went to her locker which was next Troy’s.

We’ve got a locker-girl-next-door story going on. Interesting fact: locker-girl-next-door is my favorite genre of pornographic film. Especially when the actors are in their 30’s and it’s like, I’m supposed to believe you’re in high school?

Gabriella put her school bag in her locker and got her books out for the first class she had Gabriella went to the classroom the first class was in.

I just lost twenty bucks on a bet that she was going to take the books to her second class to first period, but would be in her third classroom. Still I’m going to pretend that’s what happened because it will make this thing slightly more interesting.

When she entered the class room she saw that the place next to Troy was open.

And a wind blew her hair causing him to fix a piercing, furious glare on her, the kind so full of loathing that she fell immediately in love with him. Oh wait, wrong story.

So she went to sit in the desk next to Troy. The first class had started and the teacher interduce Gabriella to the class. Gabriella sat back down in her desk and then look over at Troy. Gabriella notice that he was dressed in goth clothing and wearing goth make up too.

Motherfucker, this shit again. I get that he’s still in goth clothes and makeup, I don’t expect that he wore them out of the house to trick his parents and changed into something slutty once he got to school.

Gabriella also saw Troy’s very blue eyes too. Gabriella decided she wanted to get to know him.

Fucking Christ… seriously? You dress like a pretentious, gloomy, pain in the ass, but your eyes are blue, so let’s get acquainted, big boy.

The teacher told the class they would be working on a project with a partner. The teacher told them to find a partner and then she will give them the assignment they will be doing together.

Picking a partner before they know what the project is has got to be an important aspect. Why else would it be so important that it got written about?

Gabriella went over to Troy and asked him if he wanted to be her partner and Troy told Gabriella that he would love to be her partner.

She was already next to him. Plus, I find it hard to imagine the goth guy wants to partner up with the new, pretty, conformist girl. Girls like that are goth repellant. He’d more likely disappear from school for weeks and go to another state to brood, only to reluctantly return and be nice to her all of a sudden.

So after every one had partner up, the teacher gave them their assignment that they would be doing together for a week and half.The first class went by fast and now Troy and Gabriella were at their locker putting their books a way in the locker. Troy asked Gabriella what her other class were and she gave Troy her list of classes. Troy told Gabriella that they will be in every class together.

How convenient. It’s going to make this contrived romance so much easier to stomach.

Gabriella was happy that Troy was in every one of her classes.

Because there’s nothing at all suspicious or even unsettling about the boy in makeup miraculously being in every one of your classes. What are they teaching kids in school today? Call the fucking police when some creepy guy dressed in all black and wearing a mask is following you around… I mean makeup, not mask. Masked people are your friends. *Smile with tooth sparkle*

At lunch time Troy and Gabriella sat together at the table and ate their lunch. Troy’s ex friends were in shock that the new girl Gabriella was sitting with Troy.

Because they’re one dimensional fucktards who serve no purpose but to represent people who didn’t appreciate the changes a person made, making them bad people. Just like every family or friend of a drug addict who cuts them from their lives because of the turmoil they sew everywhere they go. Not all selfish decisions are bad ones, “writer”.

The friends notice that it did not bother Gabriella that Troy was wearing goth clothes.

They were surprised, because the clothes a person wears are, in fact, a big deal.

Troy saw his ex friends watching him and Gabriella talking. Gabriella saw that Troy was sad again. Gabriella looked where Troy was looking and asked Troy if those were his ex friends.

I put it off as long as I could, but you’ve probably noticed by now, there isn’t any proper dialogue in this thing. I flipped through to chapter 4 and still hadn’t seen any. It’s weird, to say the least. This story reads like a grocery list.

Troy told Gabriella that they are his ex friends. Gabriella then asked Troy why they are no longer friends. Troy told Gabriella that his ex friends will not talk to him any more or hang around him while he is dressing in gloth clothes.

How many times can I write a joke for the same sentence? We get it. He’s wearing goth clothes, and his friends don’t like him anymore because of it. But that doesn’t matter. This character, as well as every character in this thing so far, is completely one dimensional. You could replace him with a set of phantom clothes that hover around doing nothing, and nothing would change.

Gabriella is no different: she’s where she’s supposed to be, doing what she’s supposed to be doing, and saying what any decent person would say. She’s boring.

Gabriella said to Troy that she does not mind him wearing gloth clothing.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

She also said to Troy if they were really your friends, then they would not have a problem with you are wearing.

This just in! Teenagers are stupid, cruel creatures with no concept of friendship or community. There won’t be any more at eleven, because that’s the whole fucking story.

Gabriella said to Troy that there is nothing wrong with wanting to dress in goth clothing for a while.


Troy said to Gabriella that he is glad that they are friends.

And what an odd couple they make, maybe, we don’t know because neither of them has a personality!

While Troy was throwing away their garbage, Gabriella decided to have a quick talk with his ex friends.

I’m not getting my hopes up that this will be at all interesting.

Gabriella went over to the table where his ex friends were sitting at. The friends saw Gabriella coming over to them and wondering what she wanted. Gabriella said to Troy’s ex friends that they are being jerks for how they are acting towards Troy.

Your words have swayed me, new girl. I shall now see the error of my ways and do a complete 180. We had no idea we were being jerks!

Cue the sappy, inspirational music.

The friends told Gabriella they are not hanging around him as long as he continues dressing in goth clothing.

The funny thing is that this is probably the most authentic part of the whole thing so far. Teenagers are clique-y and they don’t want to be seen hanging around what they view as aberrant members of society. I buy that. What I don’t buy is the new girl in school who singles out the loner as the person to make nice with while making enemies of larger groups. That’s just fucking stupid. She must have transferred from home school to be this socially backward.

Gabriella said to Troys ex friends that it should not matter what a person is wearing, you still can hang around them. Gabriella also told Troy’s ex friends that if they were actually his friends, then they would except him the way he is now. Gabriella said to the friends that they were never Troy friends in the first place, if they can not handle the way he is now.

Then I guess we aren’t his real friends. Honestly, we’re doing great without him. And by great I mean drifting through this whole thing doing absolutely fuck-all.

Gabriella also told the friends they are acting like snobs and that karma will bite them in the butt.

Karma is my pit bull, and she’s got a taste for Perrier-addled snob ass.

Gabriella told Troy’s ex friends to think about what she said.

Because it was so deep and thought provoking that one can’t form an opinion on the words in real time. You need to take a break and reflect on it in silent meditation.

Gabriella walked a way from Troy’s ex friends and left the lunch room with Troy. Troy thank Gabriella for standing up for him to his ex friends. Gabriella told Troy that she thought it was stupid of his ex friends to stay a way from him,besides not talking to him

Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, fanfic, where is this coming from? It’s completely out of left field. Nothing in this story so far has led in the direction that this is how Gabriella feels. I’m honestly flabbergasted.

After school Troy and Gabriella were at their lockers getting the homework they had to do and their school bags before shutting their lockers.

I love the attention to detail, like how people close their lockers when they leave school as opposed to leaving them wide open. I’d be worried sick without that being explicitly told to me. I’d just sit around rocking back and forth, biting my nails and muttering, “Are the lockers open? Did they close them?”

Troy asked Gabriella if he could give her a ride home and she told him that she would love a ride home.

There isn’t any hope that he meant sex, is there?

So Gabriella got into Troy’s truck and they left the school parking lot. Troy asked Gabriella if she wanted to do homework together at his house.

Yeah, baby. We can study anatomy together. Oh, yeah.

Gabriella said to Troy that she would like to do homework with him at his house.

I’m very glad that the author repeated the “do homework at Troy’s house” part, because had she not, I would be completely confused. If she only said “yes” to his invitation, how could one derive the meaning as her accepting to go to his house? It could have meant anything. It could have been her saying yes to doing whippets out of a hooker’s asshole.

I need a drink.

Troy parked his car and they got out. Troy and Gabriella went over to her house , which was next door so she could tell her mom where she was at.

What? So this chick moved in next door to mister goth clothes, and they’ve never met? I can buy that; I don’t know any of my neighbors, but these characters also don’t seem to be at all surprised that they live next door to each other. Or maybe they had met before? It’s not like we had a lot of dialogue to read and maybe they talked about it earlier. But the thing I can’t reconcile is that they went over, in person, to talk to her mother about going to Captain Creepy Pants’ lair where he probably stores a variety of medieval torture devices and rusty surgical equipment, and the woman allowed it. What the fuck? With such inept parenting, how is this girl still alive?

Troy was happy to know that Gabriella was living next door to him.

I finally have a use for the telescope I got last Christmas. *pervy giggle*

They went back to his house and went to the living room to do their homework together. Two hours later they finished their homework and went to the kitchen to get a snack.

Of milk and toast, no doubt, in honor of how milquetoast this story is.

Troy decided to asked Gabriella if she would go out on a date with him the next night. Gabriella saw Troy looking at her and asked him why he was looking at her. Troy asked Gabriella if she would go out on a date with him and she told him that she would love to go out on a date with him.

I don’t have a joke for this part; I’m just happy it’s finally over. I’d pray in gratitude, but the only thing I worship is beer.

Please Review!

Oh you’d better believe I will.

I hate this. It’s tremendously sloppy writing, there’s no dialogue, the characters aren’t the least bit compelling, and let’s face it, the premise is stupid. I understand what the “author” was trying to say, and even though it’s a story that’s been told a million times, it’s still one that matters. I get the impression that the “author” is still young and has plenty of time to mature as a writer, which is good, because this needs a lot of maturation. There’s no provocation and no excitement; it doesn’t take chances or push the envelope in any way. In a word, it’s “meh”

I wouldn’t say that this is completely awful, but it’s teetering on the edge. It’s repetitive and boring, and you could very easily sum the whole thing up in one paragraph and literally miss nothing. Maybe it gets better as the chapters go on, but given the state of the grammar and spelling I’d say that’s unlikely. The author doesn’t set a high standard for themselves, and it shows. I want to believe that most of the problems with this stem from inexperience, and not from lack of talent, but I can’t overlook that this “author” has written 77 High School Musical pieces of fanfiction. If I were to venture a guess, this “author” isn’t much of a reader, except of other equally poorly written fanfiction, so if they plan to continue writing it’s probably a good idea to pick up a novel.

As always, if you liked my review follow my blog. If you hated it, you should also follow it. Though they’re sorely neglected you can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+. If there’s a fanfiction of any genre you’d like to see me review, please let me know about it in the comments or whatever else you can come up with and I’ll take a look. Have fun reading, and I look forward to your input.


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