18 comments on “The Birth of Eve(ry Reason I Don’t Want to Live on This Planet Anymore)

  1. That was hilarious! Thanks for the greatly needed laughs, or the 4 cackles and many belly laughs. I think that’s the best review I’ve ever read. Maybe I’ll have to start writing reviews with snark. Oh, and Gran? Gran is lovely and adorable. I want one. As for something charming about a blatantly racist elderly person, we’ll have to disagree, but I’d be happy to introduce you to my very bigoted mother who is no way charming with her racist slurs. You must be young enough to not have ever heard of the 70’s Gremlin. It was a make of car made by the company formerly known as AMC. They hit the market on the unfortunate date of April 1, 1970, and were one of the first compact cars. By 1979, they were no longer made but were redesigned into another model in the 1980’s that never sold well. AMC, also the company that made Jeeps, was eventually sold to Chrysler in 1987 falling under the leadership of Lee Iaccoca. The 4-wheeled Gremlins were just as hideous as Spike! (I didn’t have to look this stuff up; I’m old enough to remember this trivial shit!) From what my redneck cousin tells me, makes & models of cars this old are still found in the South because they don’t deteriorate from rust as they do here in the North. I have no idea where they find the parts, apparently plenty of spare time is dedicated to this… I’m not judging; I’m simply going off of the information given by my redneck cousin who proudly calls him self a redneck. As for this Sookie being able to tell Eric was a womanizer, we’re able to tell when you guys are womanizers just as surely as you’re able to tell when of us is a ‘ho and you’re gonna get lucky. Call it “Laidar.” Whether we want to use the knowledge for carnal pleasures is all up to the individual. For propriety’s sake and to agree, I also hate the term “ho.” Were slut or whore not derogatory enough for the 90’s rap generation? They both have one syllable. How can it be more simplified for the uneducated? What “good girl” uses the word “‘ho,” unless it’s as a reference to Santa Claus? Missed that contradiction in terms, didn’t ya? It’s completely out of context with the way the character’s speaking about her virginity. Speaking of, it’s completely possible that a woman could get to be 27 and still be a virgin today. Rare as finding gold in this country, but completely possible. Is it likely to be a good, Christian girl? That statement just pisses me off. Does “Christian” imply that the rest of the community is something other than Christian? Are they Buddhists? Those of us who believe in one God, and His Son, Jesus, are Christians. We’re just divided into two sects; Catholic and Protestant. We Protestants are divided into a mass of different organized religions that all add up to the same thing…except for this offshoot of “Christians” who seem to believe they have a special stairway to Heaven than the rest of us. I’ve spent a good deal of time around these people. They have some really sick thoughts for ones who are so righteous. Some of the girls I’ve known in the cults church clubs? The only virgin within proximity was Mary from the Bible and they weren’t reading about her.

    Honestly, this was the most impressive & enjoyable review I’ve ever read. After a rotten week of both my husband & me being sick, this was such a gem to find. Thank you, thank you! I love your refreshing candor, intelligent and well-written thoughts, grand use of the English language, and your divine sense of humor. Keep doing what you’re doing. You stand apart from the crowd.

  2. Your review covered first dates, math skills, melodrama, penis size as well as asking the musical question ‘Can I smell yo dick’ — yup, you’ve fulfilled my daily requirements.

    Nope, I don’t think you’re getting soft. Although, after the ‘Yo Dick’ video, I wouldn’t blame you. I don’t think I’ll thank you for the introduction to that song. It’s going to be difficult to get that out of my head. Your comment about smelling the gas station soap did help. That made me laugh, again.

    I spend most of my fanfic reading time in the SVM/TB fandoms. I’ve never been a huge fan of Twilight. I don’t care that the Twilight vamps sparkle, but I do care that they aren’t into pre-marital sex. I always thought that vampires were all about the sex. At least they should be. I think Eric and Sookie deserve more of your time. And Gran? that goes without saying.

    Thanks for another entertaining and educational review. -That makes you sound like that Mr. Science guy–do you have odd, Einstein like hair?

  3. (Looks down…nods…still got my girly bits so it’s all good.) No be paranoid, Kittyinaz! It’s all good! This just means I’ll definitely alert you if I see ANYTHING along those lines in your works!

    TOO FUNNY!! Lemme guess…she’s a 27 year old virgin who is 27 and still a virgin at 27…did I get that right?

    That weird “tall, blond, dark, blond, dark” thing got me, too, as well as the assumption that there was something wrong with being a virgin, then excusing it, then there was something wrong with it…ugh. The summary of this story is what got my snarker going (It’s ok now, I saw a doctor…).

    And, yeah, in all honesty the story MAY HAVE improved vastly, but I just couldn’t make me read any more of it. Was that fair to the writer? Dunno. Was that fair for me? Yeah. My reading time is limited so I have to pick and choose carefully, and if the first chapter doesn’t capture my interest… I’m fickle…sue me.

    I hope you do have time to delve more deeply into the ankle-long dickage sometimes found in the TB/SVM universe. I love a good cackle, and you provide MANY!

    You’re absolutely welcome, AlphaEN – I do love sharing the good things in life!

    (I still feel bad for the chili fries, though. They totally got dumped.)

    Great job!!

  4. If you are a 27 year old virgin you are most likely a troll. 2 hot guys would not be fighting over you.

    I am going to start writing Edmond/Gran fanfic. I hope you are ready.

  5. I only read/write SVM/TB fanfics, and I usually avoid all human stories, but I remember starting on this one a while back. I don’t recall how it ends; it wasn’t all that memorable, but I guess Eric and Sookie end up together after some mild drama. I enjoyed your review and agree on many points. Bad grammar kills the joy of reading even if the plot is awesome.

    I wonder if you only read the first chapter and considered that was enough? In all fairness, with some fanfics the writing and the plot might get better along the way as the author (hopefully) matures and becomes aware of her flaws. So perhaps reading and reviewing only the first couple of chapters may not be enough to get the full perspective. That being said, I do understand if you don’t have time to finish a multi-chapter story unless you really like it. I still think your post is great; if the author read your review early on, she might have significantly improved the rest of her work.

    Special thanks to Meridian for inviting your attention to our fandom. I hope there will be more reviews from you on SVM/TB fanfics in the future.

    • I usually read on, notable exceptions are the Harry Potter fanfic because I couldn’t bear the subject matter, and this one because I was simply in such a hurry. I was either sick or busy all weekend and got nothing done.

      All in all though this writer wasn’t atrocious in the way I’m used to, not that they were in any way amazing. I’m used to dialogue being nearly incoherent and absolutely no effort being put into the story portions of the work.

      I’m sure that the work improved as she continued, she at least had some sort of foundation to build on.

  6. OMG. Are you sure you are not Meridian? This sounded almost word for word coming out of her mouth. Great job, and Now I am going t be really paranoid. But thanks for the laughs!

      • Yeah I can tell that. Not. But thanks for the whole thing on Tall Dark and handsome. It made my husband come in when I kept cracking up on it. Eric Tall DARK and handsome? Well we will give you 2 of the three. And how the hell could he afford the car and…. Yeah I’ll go back to hashing it all with Meridian. Thanks for the laughter and making it impossible to read that fic. Though. ::Taps finger on her chin:: Thanking God or that Cow will be more like it since I did miss this one….

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