I’d have to be an idiot not to have picked up on the fact that most of my audience is Twific lovers, which is why a lot of my work so far has been focused on Twilight. Not only is the fandom full of available material, it seems to attract a lot of people who write in the style I enjoy reviewing.
There are also a lot of fics that are great, but wouldn’t work for the purposes of my critique. These fics are already funny in their own way, and that’s how they’re intended to be. These have become some of my favorite kind to read, and I thought I’d share them with you.
So without further ado, here they are—
The Fanfic Assassin’s Favorite Twilight Crackfics!
In a no particular arbitrary order:
1) Don’t Fear the Reaper https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6442602/1/Don-t-Fear-the-Reaper by DoUFlanMe, a collaboration between DoUTrustMe (whose profile is blank) and BellaFlan https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2092771/BellaFlan .
As if it requires more than an opening with a drunk, busty Bella to get me interested, this fic grabs you by the balls (or whatever the female equivalent would be. Ovaries, I guess) and won’t let go. With an oddball cast who work at a mortuary—including Emmett and his peculiar fetish, and an Alice whose gift is flipped on its head— it flows seamlessly through a number of themes that are both disturbing and hilarious. If clever wordplay and black humor is your thing, this is definitely for you.
2) I am Batman https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9100466/1/I-Am-Batman by Twidler83 https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2490708/Twiddler83
What kid didn’t want to grow up to be Batman? Well, Edward took it one step further. A story about the hijinks of a grown man who spends his days fighting imaginary crime with his friends, this zany tale can’t be overlooked, because it’s about Batman, and he’s fucking awesome. This Edward also gave me a great idea to prevent from losing my underwear in the future.
3) Curve Ball https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9102043/1/Curve-Ball by Staceleo https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2498747/staceleo
I fear that even my extensive lexicon falls short to accurately describe this fic. With a snarky and sarcastic Bella (a girl after my own heart), and an unapologetically dorky Edward, this one is definitely for fans of intelligent multi-layered humor. With scenes as ludicrous as they are hilarious, this unlikely love story was refreshingly natural and devoid of contrivances. Hide your snacks before you start reading this one, because this Bella will take them right out of your hands.
4) Virginal Bella https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9953742/1/Virginal-Bella
by Gooseonline https://www.fanfiction.net/u/3340516/Gooseonline
If I were picking a favorite crackfic, this wouldn’t be it. It reads like one, but much like Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room,” it’s completely serious. Never in my two-week history as a reviewer have I received so many requests for a single work. Well, fear not. It’s on the way! As this work is fairly short — and to be honest, I couldn’t just pick some of it; the whole thing is priceless — as a treat, I’ll be reviewing it completely as a special event for my 10th review.
Definitely check out these fics, even Virginal Bella. They’re all enjoyable reads and fairly short. You could probably knock one out on the toilet the morning after a big dinner. Please give these authors the adulation they deserve. As for me, I’m off to a shoot, so if you need me, I’ll be in hair and makeup.